Wise Women

Friday night in downtown Bloomington, Illinois, I had the entertaining privilege of being one of the three wise women in the living window display at Cross Roads, a Fair-Trade Shop where I volunteer, and am on the Board of Directors. I love the humor in a piece that was sent to me long ago that says, if the three wise kings who came to the manager had been women, they would have asked for directions, gotten there on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stall and would have brought practical gifts. So what is this thing called wisdom, and how do we get it. Well, the most wise person I have known in my life is my father and so I will try to describe what I think wisdom looks like modeled after him. First comes humility. My dad was a very humble guy, often in the lime-light because of his brilliance, but never wanting the lights to shine on him. He was willing to impart his knowledge to all who needed it, but only saw himself as a fellow-traveler with his own flaws. He was never one who knew everything or thought he had all the answers. Secondly, I will mention "listening." My dad was a great listener; he did not take sides nor did he judge you for your thoughts or actions. Mistakes were for learning, and the gathering of wisdom. Dad listened to everyone from the tallest to the smallest; from the judge in a courtroom to my four year old daughter showing the same amount of interest. He was  singularly focused and made everyone think that what they were saying was the most important thing, and at the moment, it was. Dad knew that there were things to be learned from "important" people with money as well as those who were poor and without power. He knew that he could learn from children as well as adults. My dad listened to the stories of the kitchen help, the waiters, the sales-clerks, the maids, the garbage men as well as teachers, professors, professionals and CEOs. And in his encouragement of these people, he came to understand life better. He had many different perspectives that contributed to his growing wisdom. Next, I will mention, "suffering." My dad was a deep thinker, and was often pained by the unfairness of life he saw all around him, and often did things to help make people's lives better. So, my dad was keenly aware of the suffering of others, but my Dad suffered also with his own demons and problems , and through that suffering, came to appreciate himself, and all human being as flawed but worthy....most often doing the best that we could each day. There are many qualities that contributed to my Dad's wisdom but the final one I wish to mention is Love. Dad demonstrated his love in the many behaviors of his everyday life. When a poor "off-the-street" man came to see my father at his prestigious law-firm, my Dad welcomed him as he would any client, listened to him, and then took on his cause of saving an Alcoholic Drop-In Center in Cincinnati, Ohio. When the good people of a neighborhood in Cincinnati would not allow a six-person home for mentally challenged adults to be in their midst, Dad took the case to the Ohio Supreme Court and won. The House was named "The Conlan House" after my Dad who found this out minutes before he died. He would not have cared about this honor as much as he cared about the people who could now live there. No problem was too big or small for my Dad, and there were so many times that he helped his seven children, and showed his love to them. I remember one Thursday afternoon at Marquette University in Milwaukee (a long trek from Cincinnati) where my sister was entered into an elocution contest. Right before Maureen spoke, my Dad walked in the room having flown by airplane to hear her speech. Now that is Love! I would like to think that, as I age, I am also learning and gathering wisdom. I am lucky. I had a wonderful role model who gave me some of the tools I needed. I don't always act wise, but I am always striving for the wise approach to my life which my Dad taught me through living his own life.