The End

"It seems to me most strange that men should fear,
Seeing that death, a necessary end,
Will come when it will come." Shakespeare: Julius Caesar

The process of dying is indeed a mystery. This past weekend I had the honor of sitting with my sister-in-law while she was actively dying. (nurse's term) I say honor because I believe it is an honor to be with someone during the very final chapter of his/her life....a life that is entirely unique to this world; a one-of-a-kind, like all of us. And just as birth is a profound, miraculous event filled with awe and mystery, so too is death, I think. I sat with my sister-in-law in the hospital as one by one, her body mechanisms began to fail, and though she was comfortable and breathing on her own, I knew that the end of her life was near. I was not afraid for her, and I talked to her often to let her know I was there as others of her family did also, and she squeezed my hand to tell me she knew, although she could not communicate any other way. It was comforting for me to see her peaceful and serene, and then finally, take her last living breath. In talking to the nurses that witness this often, each person's process is different as each person's body decides when life is over. It may be hours, and in my sister-in-laws case, it was several days. But the result is the same for all....the end of life for a unique person who contributed her own talents and gifts to the world; for my sister-in-law, her gift and legacy of love. She was truly one of the most loving persons I have ever known, and for that, I am grateful to have been a part of her life, and honored that I could be with her at the end of her life.

Why would I travel five hours just to have lunch with ten of my High School girlfriends, which I did this past Wednesday?

Not often in life do we get the opportunity to REALLY bond with other women; it usually happens when we spend time together, have shared experiences, and things in common; experience a few "aha's" together, supporte each other; laugh and cry together, and overall....achieve some remarkable passages of life together.

I have been blessed in life with wonderful girlfriends who did all of these things with me at one time or another. But, there is one group of girlfriends who did all of these things as a group, and these are the twenty-four girls I went to Summit Country Day High School with (Cincinnati)....at that time, an all girl's Catholic school. And when I walked into my classmate, Carol Manley's house last Wednesday for lunch, I felt like I had come home. No one knows me like these girls know me, and no matter what girlfriends I've had along the way, these are the girls who know me best.

These are the girls I slumber-partied with; got into H.S. trouble with; studied for latin exams with; talked about first boyfriends with; drove around with after getting my driver's license; got my class ring with; belonged to a High School sorority with; laughed, cried & agonized with, and finally graduated from High School with. More importantly, these are the girls I shared my deepest values with; girls who, like me, were shaped and formed by the Sisters of Notre Dame de Namur and who were given an extrodinary education under the same roof. This was the setting that bonded us, and though we are an ecclectic group of women with multiple interests and talents, we are also one family together. I am so glad to be back in their midst. Five hours seemed short in comparison to the time I was able to spend with them.

I have lost two very special girlfriends in my life and the loss runs deep in me. I am reminded to hold on to what is important, rare and precious in my life. One of these is the Summit Class of 1958.

On the Rightness of Doing Nothing

"If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned to live." Lin Yutang (1895-1976)
Lin Yutang's book, The Importance of Living, is one of my favorite books. Yutang is a Chinese philosopher, and a light-hearted one who said, "To me personally, the only function of philosophy is to teach us to take life more lightly and gaily than the average business man does." Now who couldn't like this guy? You might want to check him out; he has a lot of good stuff on living and enjoying your life which brings me to the point of this entry, and that is, "Ways to Enjoy Doing Nothing Without FEELING GUILTY.
Like most of us, I grew up with that Christian, Puritan ethic which said that one needed to be busy most waking hours with meaningful tasks. It is still hard for me to take time for myself, and in fact, "do nothing" of any significance. Sit on my deck, listen to the birds sing, look up at the cloud formations, dream, rest, and generally be a "slug." Not in my makeup, but in being so busy with worthwhile activities, I think I am missing a part of life for myself that is equally important, and deserved. So I have been WORKING (poor choice of words) on this concept, and have been gathering ideas and suggestions to put this into my life. And I am getting better at it, and enjoying those times more and more without Gretta-Grrrrrr standing over my shoulder reminding me that I am wasting time. I just know that I am learning to live, Yutang style.
Some ideas:
*Play a game just for fun without keeping score or competing
*Think of Aristotle who praised the contemplative life
*Carry a book of poetry in your pocket to pull out and read now and then
*Take a drawing pad out into nature and sketch what you see; you will look more closely; start
with flowers that are easy to draw. I am not an artist but I can attest to this.
*Go to a happy or joyful place and just wander around. Sometimes this can be in the middle
of a busy city. I love wandering around in Chicago.
*Try playing an instrument; get a lap-harp that anyone can play.
*Decide that one day a week will be a do-nothing day.
*Take a nap during the day. Naps are highly underrated and are healthy for you.
* Take a drive in the country. I do this a lot, and love it.
*Sit and watch the sun go down, or the sun come up.
*Listen, really listen to classical music without doing anything else. I started listening to the
evening symphony on the radio, not as background music, and I love it.
* Just be. Eek!

September brings the Canadian Geese flying overhead, honking their way to places warmer. Like the geese, I wish that I could just up and fly south with them. I love to write poetry, and several years ago, I composed a short poem about not being able to do just that.

The Geese are gathering now
Honking and hollering
As they fly bye
In their V shaped form
'Summer is ending,' they scream

And, I want to scream too!

'Cold weather is coming
And we must be gone
To a warmer place'

"Can I fly along,"
I cry
"Yes, you can,
If you can fly"

"Drats!" I answer
"Why them, and why not I?"

Geese, actually, have a lot to teach us about encouragement, leadership, loyalty and life. As geese are flying, they form a V (as I am sure everyone knows), and each bird flaps its wings, creating an uplift for the bird immediatly following. By flying in a V formation, the whole flock adds at least 71% to its flying range than if each bird flew on its own. When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to "go it alone." and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front. When the lead goose gets tired, it rotates back in formation and another goose flies point. Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed. Finally, when a goose gets sick or is wounded, and falls out of formation, two other geese fall out with that goose, and follow it down to lend help and protection. They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly or until it dies, and only then do they fly away. Anyone else see any life lessons here?

Folk Art Dolls

Some of you have asked about how to make these dolls. Here are some basics. Start with a plastic bottle of any size. Secure wooden head in top of bottle, usually by wrapping serain wrap around the neck. These wooden heads can be purchased at any hobby store. But, before securing head in bottle, decorate face with whatever....hair, eyes, lips etc. Then begin the design of the base of the doll....dress, skirt etc. Use shinny paper, brown sac paper, coffee filters to layer skirt etc. Then decorate away. As far as gluing item, as my sister says, use anything until it sticks. I use double sided tape and double sided sticky dots, again bought in any hobby store. Someone also suggested trying a glue gun. Could work. Enjoy and let your creativity shine!